28 December 2016

Resolutions: 2017

It's that time of the year again. People are listing out their new year's resolutions and are motivated to achieve them. I myself have a list for 2017's resolutions. I can't remember what my resolutions were for 2016 because I wasn't serious nor was I keen in achieving them. With that being said, 2016 was by far the shittiest year in my nineteen years of existence. It's safe to say that I've spent half of this year crying, having anxiety, and going through immense stress and depression. The internet made fun of Kylie Jenner when she said 2016 was going to be a year of "realising things", but we have to admit she is damn on point about it. 

I realised I shouldn't waste my time on people - close friends or acquaintances - who don't put as much effort in me when I put so much in them. I also realised that everyone will hit a very low point in life; I just happened to be in my lowest at 19, where I had an existential crisis and was sure that I screwed up my future by taking up a bachelors degree in something I'm not sure if I'm interested in. Ah, life. Okay, enough about realising things, here are my 2017 resolutions.

  1. Be physically, mentally and emotionally stronger.
  2. Not waste time on people who don't put effort on you.
  3. Get good grades and study overseas.
  4. Eat less junk food.
  5. Get rid of your insecurities.
  6. Have a fixed daily schedule (to avoid procrastination)
  7. Achieve all your goals.
  8. Spend less time on social media.
  9. Be happy. 
Now all I have to do is keep them until the end of the year haha.

Much love,

13 December 2016

10 Lessons I've Learned in 19 Years

Happy birthday to me. I'm officially 19 years old, and I'm feeling all sorts of emotions. I'm sad that this will be my last year being a teenager. I've lost interest in celebrating birthdays because, last year on my birthday, I locked myself in my room and cried; none of my friends and family was free to celebrate with me, and all I wanted last year was a proper family dinner but the only people home were me and my eldest sister. I guess I was influenced by the western media and how they portray 18th birthdays as a celebration that should be celebrated with such grand.  I don't want to disappoint myself and make myself cry like last year, so I don't really expect anything from my friends and family this year. Hell, I'm going to buy myself a present because I deserve it and who else is more worthy to buy what I want than myself?

Here are 19 life lessons I've learned in 19 years. Every day is a struggle, but I'm surviving. 

1. Nothing will go your way when you expect it to
e.g: expecting a birthday surprise or birthday party for your 18th birthday from your loved ones. #LowkeyStillSaltyAboutIt #DontWantToExperienceThatAnymore

2. When there's a will, there's a way
My life motto. This motivates me to reach my daily goals, like attempting to park in a tight parking spot and succeed.

3. The only person who hates you the most is you
Dear self, stop doing your haters a favour by criticising yourself. Love you for who you are. 

4. Trust no one
I've lost count of the times I've been backstabbed by people I call friends. 19 years. It took me 19 years to realise there are people out there who will use you for what you have and own. Sadly I had to learn this the hard way.

5. Keep your social circle close and small
You don't need a big group of friends if you're going to end up lonely and betrayed at the end of the day. There is only a few of them who will be there for you when you need someone the most. Those are the friends you should treasure.

6. Stop acting so tough on the outside when you're breaking down on the inside
It's okay to feel vulnerable sometimes. Everyone has their bad days and some have it worst than you. Don't act like everything will be okay when you know it won't. Let it out. Cry. Call your best friend(s). Watch a movie. Feeling tough on the outside won't make you feel tough on the inside. 

7. In order to find love, you have to love yourself first
Everyone has insecurities, and you're no exception. But that doesn't give you the right to hate your appearance and bring down your self-esteem. How are you going to find someone who will love you for who you are, when you can't even love yourself?

8. It's okay to be alone, even when you're lonely
Don't be embarrassed to eat alone, shop alone, or even hang out after class alone. Sometimes, it's better to have a day all to yourself and clear out your thoughts. Call it mental detox, if you may. 

9. Self-discipline is key
Motivate yourself to be a better you. Don't lie on your bed and complain how you ugly and fat you look, drink more water and work your way to success. 

10. Think twice, if not thrice when deciding on future life choices
Don't follow what other people have to say about your choices. At the end of the day, it's you who have to go through all the ups and downs, and your happiness is what's important.

This is honestly the lowest point of my life, and I ask God every day why am I faced with such tough problems. Nonetheless, I know good days will come someday because I believe that no one is sad forever. I will find my happiness - and when I do - that will be the day I am strong mentally, emotionally and physically.